Carlos Boozer Raps

Sometime this past summer I discovered that Carlos Boozer, the former Chicago Bulls power forward, dropped a rap track with Twista and Mario Winans dubbed “Winning Streak.”

If you’re unfamiliar with C-Booz, the two most important things to know about him are that he is very large and very loud. He is likely the loudest dude currently playing professional sports, famous for shouting “SHIT!” whenever he screws something up on the court (which is often), and also for coining the phrase “Hold Dat!” which means… I don’t actually know. You could always hear him yelling “SHIT!” on TV when the Bulls play, and it echoed through the arena if you were lucky enough to see him yell stuff in person. He’s also famous for using a very shiny, very fake hair product.

carlos-boozer-hair-3

After the song was released—possibly because of it—the Bulls voided his contract with an amnesty clause, thus releasing Boozer into the wild. He’s since been signed by the Los Angeles Lakers, where he will play and shout this coming season.

His verse in “Winning Streak” is predictably terrible:

Dream it, believe it, do it
Let’s go
Already know I crossed ’em over
Take ’em to the hole
Look back, thank God
Look forward, trust God
That’s why when I’m in the paint
You know I go hard.

Pretty cool stuff. Since discovering the song’s existence, I’ve occasionally found myself pretending to be Carlos Boozer on the mic in the studio. It’s a fun way to pass the time when your cell phone’s dead or you are faded on an empty train car.

In honor of the upcoming season, I thought I’d share some bits and pieces from my own personal Carlos Boozer rap collection. A word of warning: much like Boozer, I do not hold back.

Holdat

SHIT, Boozer in the booth

Let’s Get It… AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

Carlos Boozer, mic in my veins like a user
purple on the uni and the wound I’m a bruiser
euro step not 12 that’s abuser
handy with a pen like mcgruber
been around the league much longer than Methusa, lah…

Ha haaaaaaa

Yes, YES, I brought the yacht to La-La land
put the Booze clan in the cruisah
ma, six kids, sister & mistrah
gettin funky drunk on syrah and syrup
California living
Jenny in the stirrups
Captain Carlos gets his dick blown below deck
don’t get sea sick
ain’t on the docket
not least til we dock it
SHIT

Yes indeed
Ladies love to drink Booze
the power forward with the tete like a chia pet
he cleans up the glass
like you done broke a vase
puts it in the cup
like he’s druggin you up
every night is ladies night
every lady feelin right

HOLD DAT
throw it in the post and i’ll eat em like cinnamon toast
crunch
Boozer‘s got a hunch
y’all made of lunch money
Kobe’s all beef, Boozer brings the honey
Number 5 got the whole hive for a domicile
Queen Bae got the invite
She comin over for a game night

C-Booze
Don’t sleep on me
Sleep next to me
Fillin up the California King
Don’t sleep in with me
Cause when ya snooze ya lose
Better pick n choose
What he’ll do to you

Carlos in the land of El Dorados
Women weed n weather
Never heard nothing better
Boozer’s jumper masterful
Hang it in the Prado

Replaced me with Gasol?
That’s spanish for asshole
Next time we in the Chi
Imma eat you alive
Casserole

i’ll never fade away
i always fadeaway

i’ll never fade away
i always fadeaway

I’m never going back to Alaska

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